a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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