i just made my gag reflex go away.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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