My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
