I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
