This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize