is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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