He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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