your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
