I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
