Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
