My nipple is on Facebook.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
