i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
