The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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