apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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