You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
