My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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