physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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