Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
