you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
