This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
