We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i believe in u and ur pee
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
