so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
