dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
