do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
