he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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