The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
