It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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