Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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