you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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