eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
