i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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