you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
