Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
