im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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