Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
