I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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