That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
