My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
