how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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