I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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