Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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