Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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