yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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