This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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