just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
