Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
