I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
