Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
