We won't sleep together?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
