he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
