There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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