Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's blow job season.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
