uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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