I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
