its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Boobs speak an international language.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
