Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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