Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
