Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
