I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
