theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
