Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
