would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
